the sandwich went to my head

More Than This

I know I haven’t been writing here as much as I should. In fact, I’ve been actively avoiding it.

A lot has been going on and I just can’t seem to get up the energy to write about it. When you’re living in a fucked up situation, writing it all down and having it stare you in the face in pretty much tantamount to getting bitchslapped and then being kicked while you’re down. Getting pantsed and watching your glasses get crushed. Four-eyes.

Monetarily, things are still the same, if not worse. If an antiques broker doesn’t buy a good amount of our belongings tomorrow morning, we have to move. Where, when, and how, I still have no clue. I mean, if you can’t pay your rent, chances are you can’t afford to move anywhere. Where have all the hippie communes gone?

I’m still worried about the custody hearing. Apparently in Arizona, even if your ex has a mile-long record of disturbing shit, nobody helps you until something happens to your kid. Comforting thought, no?

I’m trying to keep my cool and stay focused and on top of things, but when you’re drowning day after day under the pressure of making everything right it gets to be too much. Just getting up and going to work is a battle.

I haven’t written because I don’t want this place to be a record of my failures as a mother. As a woman. As a human being. But it doesn’t feel right to only post about music and dating sites and making forts.

This is my place. And I guess I’m going to have to get used to it showing all of me. Even the stumbles. Especially those.

So here I am. Let the renovating begin.


October 2, 2010 - Posted by | awkward, oversharing, stop talking


  1. What? When? How? PLEASE CALL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by Ian Wood | October 3, 2010 | Reply

  2. I know it is extremely cliche to say this, but things will work out and get better. They always do. In the long run. Everything happens for a reason. I know I sound like blah, blah, blah, but you should know that I believe there are big things planned for you. But who am I? You might ask. I, am no one special, but I, like others I’m sure, get a certain feeling when I read your words. Like I just know the mind and hands behind them belong to someone important. Someone brilliant! Stick to your guns Red, because you may have to fight, but it will all be better when the dust clears.

    Comment by Chas | October 3, 2010 | Reply

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