the sandwich went to my head

And this is why I’m single. No, seriously.

I swear to baby Jesus, I’ll have something actually resembling a post up on Monday. But until then, enjoy the hot mess that is my dating profile. I await the laughing.


My Self-Summary:

I’m really awkward when I have to talk about myself, so making a list seemed like the way to go. Kind of detached. I know. But it makes sense to me.

* No one ever comes before my girls. Ever. That includes you.

* On that note, I have two little girls and I’m fiercely protective of them. That’s why you won’t see me talking about them on here.

* I hoard chapstick and lipgloss.

* I am always up for building forts. No joke. And if there is alcohol and listening to records involved, you’re going to have a hard time getting rid of me.

* I’m a firm believer in the following two facts: you can NEVER have too many books, records are NOT obsolete.

*There’s a soft spot in my heart for old lonesome Country, whiskey drinking Irish, soul burning Motown, dirt road driving Classic Rock, and breaking shit Punk. What can I say? I have layers.

* Johnny Cash, June Carter, Bettie Page, and Marilyn Monroe also have a place in there.

* You know those crossword puzzle books that CVS and Walgreens carry? The ones that all the old ladies buy? I have about a hundred of them. And I can never find them when I get that crosswordin’ urge.

Ed. Note: I don’t crotchet, wax poetic about the “good ole days”, or keep hard candy in my purse. I do however steal sugar packets.

* My dream car is a black ’67 Chevy Impala. Black leather interior. And no, you can’t drive it.

* Haven’t driven one, but I do miss riding on scooters. All time favorite would have to be a Series I TV175 Lambretta. Almost beats out the Impala. Almost.

* I also miss crashing mopeds that don’t belong to me.

* I’m from Maryland, but stuck in Arizona. I wish to change this post haste.

* I curse like a sailor. Because it’s fun and sometimes fucking necessary.

* Forensics, Behavioral Science, Anthropology, Crime Scene Investigation, Bloodstain Pattern Analysis… I’m obsessed with all of them and trying to decide which to go forward with as a career.

* It almost always takes me about 10x longer than it should when searching through my purse for something seeing as how it resembles Ally Sheedy’s circa The Breakfast Club.

* If you’re looking for insane amounts of useless trivia/knowledge, you’ve found the right girl. Because I have it. In droves. Right where simple algebra should be residing.

* I love comic books, video games, and horror movies. Unapologetically.

* I was vegan for a few years, but the gutwrenching separation from cheese was too much for me to bear.

* I’m not super girly, so if I come around all prettied up, it’s more than likely for you. Act accordingly.

* I chop my hair off without any notice. Which I may have done. Just now. I also might have cut it too short. Oh, god.

*On an unrelated note, I’ll just be over here in the corner crying. Carry on.

* Coffee is my love. Vodka Tonic, Sweet Tea, Coconut Water, Jack and Coke, Diet Pepsi run not far behind.

What I’m doing with my life:

Raising my daughters, taking care of my mom, working, attempting school, and trying not to end up in the poor house. Okay, poorer house.

I’m really good at:

Cooking. Singing. Video games. Blushing. Knowing by the first note exactly what song just came on the radio. Drinking a pot of coffee and going through a pack of cigarettes. Making mixed c.d.’s. Leaving the house unknowingly covered in paint/ink/charcoals. Wasting hours on Wikipedia. Mom-ming it up. Sarcasm. Dying my hair. Squeeing whenever I see Loretta Lynn in one of her big, pink dresses. Convincing people I know what the hell I’m doing. Yelling at the TV when Molly Ringwald ruins two perfectly awesome dresses to make a goddamn pink trash bag from hell! Ahem. See? Lots of other things I’m positive I’m forgetting right now.

The first things people usually notice about me:

Usually my hair. Then the sarcasm.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food:

Favorite authors: Bret Easton Ellis, Hunter S. Thompson, Pablo Neruda, Alice Hoffman, Jim Goad, Henry Rollins, Jimmy Lee Shreeve, Garth Ennis, David Lapham, Kurt Vonnegut, Daniel Clowes…

Movies: Anything from Horror to Indie, Sci-Fi to Foreign.

Food: Mediterranean, Chinese, Japanese

Music: 70’s & 80’s Rock, Rockabilly, Blues, Country (Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline…)

TV: X-Files, Doctor Who, Burn Notice, Dexter, Bones, Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Secret Diary of a Call Girl, Dead Like Me, Supernatural, Wonderfalls, Pushing Daisies, The Young Ones, Firefly, Absolutely Fabulous, True Blood (SOOKEHHHH)…..

The six things I could never do without:

1. My girls
2. Music
3. Coffee
4. Veggies
5. Sleep
6. Books

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

The neverending avalanche of ridiculous responsibilities that come with being an adult. Also? Pegasi.

On a typical Friday night I am:

Either hanging out with my daughters, passed out on the couch missing the movie I was staying up for, having a drink with friends.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit:

Marriage is definitely not something I want.


October 16, 2010 Posted by | dana 2.0, idiotic, internet dating, oversharing, random | , , , | Leave a comment

What Do I Get

So I’ve been trying out this whole internet dating horror show.

I know. Believe me, I know.

I haven’t gone on any dates since it seems the only guys I’m able to keep a conversation with are out of state. Go figure, yeah?

I don’t know why I decided to do it. I guess I’m just… lonely. I don’t have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have are like family and I’d do anything for them. Anything. All they’d need to do is ask and I’d come running. And I hope that despite not being able to hang out with them anywhere near as much as I’d like, they feel the same way.

This whole being a single mother gig is nothing like how I imagined it. But I was slowly finding my way through it. Then through a series of glaringly obvious bad mistakes, I found myself stuck without a job, pregnant (again), and with someone who I didn’t love. At all. Not to say I didn’t give it a go. I tried. I really did. Went so far as to half heartedly agree to marry him when I never wanted to get married. Not even to someone I love, least of all to him. But his problems and my unwillingness be the scapegoat, the fall guy for them, ended that pretty quickly.

Now I have my mother living with me so I can help her out, two children, a crap retail job, and money problems so bad that I can’t sleep at night.

All this to say that while there is a guy on that ridiculous dating site whom I could see myself really wanting to know, date, be with, I think I’m going to have to end it. I’m torn because of how well we get on. We’ve been talking almost every night for close to two months. He’s funny, sweet, has a daughter, sarcastic, completely inappropriate in all the best ways…

But it was stupid of me to think I could have the time and the state of mind to deal with one more person needing attention, needing me. Or have the stomach to give one more person the chance to break my heart. I’m still not fully over what happened between my first ex (whom I dated let’s see, not once, not twice, but three fucking times, despite knowing we’re no good for each other). I set myself up in every single relationship I’ve ever had. And I can’t do it again. Not with three people who rely on me to sort out all these messes that keep showing up.

I’m not sure why I’m writing this for everyone to see instead of just dealing with it on my own. I just needed to talk about it to someone/something before I completely lose it. And since this blank page doesn’t talk, doesn’t judge me and tell me how insane I’m being… it seemed like as good a place as any.

August 31, 2010 Posted by | awkward, bills bills bills, idiotic, oversharing, why am i still awake | , , , , | 3 Comments