HeyYouRed

the sandwich went to my head

because i am a sheep… baaah

My brain seems to be on full lockdown. Since everyone else is doing this and I have nothing better to write about at the moment, I’m joining the horde.

No, that wasn’t a World of Warcraft reference.

Get on with it already, Dana.

Bloody ingrates.

30 Days of Truth: Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

I’m going to avoid anything appearance related. That’s too easy. Everybody hates something about the way they look.

I hate how easily I trust people. I hate that I don’t have it in me to trust anyone anymore. I’m literally wary of everyone I meet. I always double/triple/infinity mentally check what I tell to all except about 5 people.

After being screwed over so many times, you don’t get wounds anymore. You just have the same bruises all day, every day. I got tired of looking beat up, so I just stopped talking. About anything.

It’s incredibly exhausting. Frustrating. And goddamn, it’s really fucking lonely.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

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October 14, 2010 Posted by | 30 Days of Truth, oversharing, random, stop talking, why am i still awake | Leave a comment

More Than This

I know I haven’t been writing here as much as I should. In fact, I’ve been actively avoiding it.

A lot has been going on and I just can’t seem to get up the energy to write about it. When you’re living in a fucked up situation, writing it all down and having it stare you in the face in pretty much tantamount to getting bitchslapped and then being kicked while you’re down. Getting pantsed and watching your glasses get crushed. Four-eyes.

Monetarily, things are still the same, if not worse. If an antiques broker doesn’t buy a good amount of our belongings tomorrow morning, we have to move. Where, when, and how, I still have no clue. I mean, if you can’t pay your rent, chances are you can’t afford to move anywhere. Where have all the hippie communes gone?

I’m still worried about the custody hearing. Apparently in Arizona, even if your ex has a mile-long record of disturbing shit, nobody helps you until something happens to your kid. Comforting thought, no?

I’m trying to keep my cool and stay focused and on top of things, but when you’re drowning day after day under the pressure of making everything right it gets to be too much. Just getting up and going to work is a battle.

I haven’t written because I don’t want this place to be a record of my failures as a mother. As a woman. As a human being. But it doesn’t feel right to only post about music and dating sites and making forts.

This is my place. And I guess I’m going to have to get used to it showing all of me. Even the stumbles. Especially those.

So here I am. Let the renovating begin.

October 2, 2010 Posted by | awkward, oversharing, stop talking | 2 Comments

i want to take you far from the cynics in this town

For those of you who don’t know me, and therefore think I’m amazingly witty and charming, (Shh, you don’t have to say it. I know.) there’s a lot you don’t know. While as of now, I’m still kind of feeling this whole blog thing out and am more than willing to share things and embarrass the hell out of myself, I’m kind of iffy on what I’ll share about the girls.

E. is three years old (four in February) and F. is about nine months old (one in December). Since I’m already going to be hiding out in a closet with a carton of cigarettes and a fifth of vodka when they finally hit puberty and thus begin their alliance against me; I’d rather it not involve bludgeoning me to death over some cute (Pudgey goodness!) photos of them while talking about how E. would hide in various corners in whatever store we happened to be in so she could poop in private (She was wearing diapers. I’m not that bad of a mother. When I remember to buy them).

Oops.

So! Here are some random thing about myself.

(I’m amazing at run-on sentences)

1. When I was younger, I wanted to run away with a pirate.
2. Preferably, an attractive one.
3. With all his teeth.
4. I still can’t sleep with my feet outside of the blanket.
5. I’ve never dreamt about getting married.
6. And I still don’t.
7. I get in a funk when I don’t have my hair red.
8. I just do.
9. There are certain articles of clothing I can never wear again because he loved them on me.
10. But I still haven’t gotten rid of them.
11. I feel like a traitor when I have to eventually throw away a pair of chucks.
12. I never want my girls to be normal.
13. I want them to be themselves.
14. Whoever that may be.
15. I’ve been in a few fights.
16. With both girls and boys.
17. I’m not proud.
18. Except for that time with the guy in South Carolina.
19. What? He grabbed my ass.
20. Music has the ability to break my heart.
21. But in the best possible way.
22. I used to be a singer.
23. I am told I was really great.
24. You mess with friends, you mess with me.
25. Understood?
26. I was fat until I was 17.
27. I was a virgin until I was 18.
28. No one rush to figure that one out.
29. When I love someone, they have all of me.
30. Unfortunately, that has yet to be reciprocated.
31. I have this all-consuming fear of being ordinary.
32. I make mistakes.
33. Lots of them.
34. I’m working on that.
35. I once broke up with someone because he told me I had too many books.
36. I drink far too much coffee.
37. No, seriously.
38. I’m not quite sure where I’m heading.
39. It’s the best/worst feeling in the world.
40. There are pictures floating around of me wearing a Princess shirt with glitter eyeshadow.
41. In overalls.
42. Shut up.
43. I have never cheated on a significant other.
44. I like to dip pickle chips in ketchup.
45. I was a child model.
46. It was short-lived.
47. I used to wait until my ex would go to work and then play video games all day.
48. In my underwear.
49. It was every bit as awesome as it sounds.
50. I still make forts.

September 12, 2010 Posted by | oversharing, random, stop talking, why am i still awake | 2 Comments

Eye Oh Ewe

I may have promised several dozen people on Twitter that there would be a video last night.

I also may have fallen asleep on my laptop while watching Michael and Fiona blowing things up all sexy like. If it’s any consolation, I totally drooled everywhere.

Heading into work now, but I swear to the almighty caffeine god, there will be a video tonight. And yes, it will more than likely be embarrassing. You’re welcome.

Also also: Send me some ridiculous stuff to talk about tonight ( I’m looking at you, Amato). Anything. Everything. I’ll perform for you like a little mechanical monkey with cymbals. Only, less furry. Most of the time.

August 24, 2010 Posted by | oversharing, stop talking, swearsies | , , , , | Leave a comment