HeyYouRed

the sandwich went to my head

my name is dana, and i have a problem

I would say hi and offer you guys a beer and some of the semi-stale Peeps I have hidden from the girls; but I’m guessing that there’s not that many of you left to read this. Oh well, more booze for me.

I’m really, really, painfully rusty at this now; so I’m going to start with one of those 31 day challenges. Hopeully, I’ll keep it up this time.

 

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Which brings me to this:

#1. My name is Dana and I have a problem.. Are you ready for this? …I’m happy. Like, completely content-no drama-gain 5lbs-I’m so happy. Which in turn sometimes makes me nervous and bitchy. I know. Poor me. And I prefer Laughing Cow Garlic Herb with my whine, thank you. (Bringing the class to you in spreadable form since 1987).

When your whole being is hardwired into accepting disappointment and all the negative shit life throws at you as being the norm; then yeah. Sometimes being happy is hard work. But I could definitely get used to it.

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Yeah, I think I’ll be okay.

 

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May 1, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

my preshussss

that is all.

July 18, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

planet earth to major tom…

//cough// so. uh. hello. i think i’m ready to make the second third attempt to get my ass into gear and write. about what? no clue as of yet. but i’ll think of something. hopefully. so expect a post within the next day or two. swearsies.

May 14, 2011 Posted by | awkward, swearsies, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

hail to whatever you’ve found in the sunlight

I don’t pretend to be well-versed in religion. I know in passing about Buddhism, Christianity, Paganism, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, Taoism, Scientology, Shinto, Wicca. Female, male, creature. All these names and descriptives for what is essentially the same deity responsible for us and our path in righteousness. Our place in humanity and this universe. Rule-forgers and soul-savers. Salvation givers. Something to pray to when something goes wrong or after we brush our teeth and are climbing into bed.

I don’t pretend to believe in any of these. Or pretend to believe that when I die my soul will be cast down to eternal Hell if I don’t gather with others weekly and sing from a hymnal.

I don’t cast judgement on any who do. For some it’s a ritual that they don’t necessarily have much feeling for either, but because they were raised in that environment they go through the motions. They say grace before dinner. Light candles. Meditate. Abstain.

But isn’t praying and worshipping a figure you take for granted just as bad as people say denouncing religion is? Expecting help and love and guidance from a power that only exists for a few hours on the weekend or when tragedy strikes?

Take everything I say with a grain of salt, please. I’m not trying to belittle those who believe. On the contrary. I commend you for having a belief system that makes you more complete.

I’m just trying to work through all the feelings that wash over me when a pastor, a complete stranger who doesn’t know me from a hole in the wall, prays for me, sheds tears for me, and I can’t bring myself to feel anything.

October 19, 2010 Posted by | random, religion, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

long live the redhead

So, I attempted to bleach/dye my hair blonde. If it worked out, I’d use it for a possible Halloween costume. If not, then the red dye would look a lot better going over lighter hair.

Apparently, I’m stuck being a redhead because the bleach did absolutely nothing but give me yellow roots and orange ends. Plus the added bonus of feeling like I set my scalp on fire.

I give up. Red #43, I’m yours.

October 9, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Sunday Confessional #1

I hide behind my red hair.

Some people use makeup. Some use their clothing. Even an alternate personality to keep themselves safe from the world dissecting and crushing what makes them vulnerable.

But my courage comes from a box with a stranger smiling at me. Promising me a few good weeks without having to let anyone know anything deeper about me than my wallet being $10 lighter.

October 3, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

We? Are NOT a team.

You used to clean up nice. Later, I would be lucky if the t-shirt you threw on wasn’t slept on by a cat.

I hated when you would call me “baby” or “sweetheart”. It always seemed like such a default.

Whenever I realized I was late calling you, I’d start agonizing over what you would say to me this time.

There are times I want to kick myself in the ass for ever getting lonely enough to talk to you that first night.

I tried to love you. I really did.

There just wasn’t anything there.

When I realized that I didn’t have any photos of the two of us together, relief was the resounding feeling.

I expected everyone to say “I told you so”. They didn’t. But they did listen. Endlessly. Thank you.

Every fight, I was waiting, wondering when that first punch was going to be.

Wondering if it would ever come was worse than if you would have just gone ahead and done it.

I cowed down to you for reasons that I haven’t been able to figure out yet.

I stood up to you for reasons I never should have lost in the first place.

Late night, injured, hysterical, drunk phone calls? No.

Stalking my every move that you can find? No.

Just because I left before your fist finally got sick of hitting everything/one else, doesn’t mean it wasn’t abuse.

You made me ask for money that you offered me. Promised me. Money that I did not ask for. That I did not want. That I would not have needed if not for you.

Looking back now, a tent on the corner of the street would have been preferable.

You took my friends.

You took my ideas.

You tried to take my identity.

Lucky for me, I’m a stubborn bitch.

You said things, did things, made up things (and continue to do so) that I refuse to waste any more thought or time on.

I walked away from them.

I walked away from you.

With a limp and a smile.

The only time you’re happy is when you’re the superior in the relationship. When you can make the other person feel inadequate.

Regardless of what you think, there was/is absolutely nothing I want to learn from you.

It’s taken me close to a year to get even marginally back to the person I was before I got tangled up in the mess that is you.

I finally see what I’m capable of.

That thread between us? The one and only thing we share? I’m making it my life’s goal that she is never made to feel, to think, that she is nothing. Miniscule. Worthless if not by someone’s side, obedient like a pet.

She will be better than you.

Better than me.

I am making sure that she will never be in the position that I was in with you.

Ever.

September 25, 2010 Posted by | abuse is abuse is abuse, don't look back, oversharing, Uncategorized, why am i still awake | , , | 1 Comment

In Which I Am Kevin Arnold

So, here you go. A 10 minute long train wreck of me after losing 3 other videos. I’m normally much more charming and witty when not wanting to destroy the computer. Let the embarrassment begin…

You’re welcome.

August 26, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | 4 Comments

August 2010 Playlist


Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones

August 23, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

this is your brain on zzzzzz

I managed to figure this thing out enough to import old posts from my LJ. Enjoy. I’m going to go pass out now.

August 17, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment