HeyYouRed

the sandwich went to my head

And this is why I’m single. No, seriously.

I swear to baby Jesus, I’ll have something actually resembling a post up on Monday. But until then, enjoy the hot mess that is my dating profile. I await the laughing.

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My Self-Summary:

I’m really awkward when I have to talk about myself, so making a list seemed like the way to go. Kind of detached. I know. But it makes sense to me.

* No one ever comes before my girls. Ever. That includes you.

* On that note, I have two little girls and I’m fiercely protective of them. That’s why you won’t see me talking about them on here.

* I hoard chapstick and lipgloss.

* I am always up for building forts. No joke. And if there is alcohol and listening to records involved, you’re going to have a hard time getting rid of me.

* I’m a firm believer in the following two facts: you can NEVER have too many books, records are NOT obsolete.

*There’s a soft spot in my heart for old lonesome Country, whiskey drinking Irish, soul burning Motown, dirt road driving Classic Rock, and breaking shit Punk. What can I say? I have layers.

* Johnny Cash, June Carter, Bettie Page, and Marilyn Monroe also have a place in there.

* You know those crossword puzzle books that CVS and Walgreens carry? The ones that all the old ladies buy? I have about a hundred of them. And I can never find them when I get that crosswordin’ urge.

Ed. Note: I don’t crotchet, wax poetic about the “good ole days”, or keep hard candy in my purse. I do however steal sugar packets.

* My dream car is a black ’67 Chevy Impala. Black leather interior. And no, you can’t drive it.

* Haven’t driven one, but I do miss riding on scooters. All time favorite would have to be a Series I TV175 Lambretta. Almost beats out the Impala. Almost.

* I also miss crashing mopeds that don’t belong to me.

* I’m from Maryland, but stuck in Arizona. I wish to change this post haste.

* I curse like a sailor. Because it’s fun and sometimes fucking necessary.

* Forensics, Behavioral Science, Anthropology, Crime Scene Investigation, Bloodstain Pattern Analysis… I’m obsessed with all of them and trying to decide which to go forward with as a career.

* It almost always takes me about 10x longer than it should when searching through my purse for something seeing as how it resembles Ally Sheedy’s circa The Breakfast Club.

* If you’re looking for insane amounts of useless trivia/knowledge, you’ve found the right girl. Because I have it. In droves. Right where simple algebra should be residing.

* I love comic books, video games, and horror movies. Unapologetically.

* I was vegan for a few years, but the gutwrenching separation from cheese was too much for me to bear.

* I’m not super girly, so if I come around all prettied up, it’s more than likely for you. Act accordingly.

* I chop my hair off without any notice. Which I may have done. Just now. I also might have cut it too short. Oh, god.

*On an unrelated note, I’ll just be over here in the corner crying. Carry on.

* Coffee is my love. Vodka Tonic, Sweet Tea, Coconut Water, Jack and Coke, Diet Pepsi run not far behind.

What I’m doing with my life:

Raising my daughters, taking care of my mom, working, attempting school, and trying not to end up in the poor house. Okay, poorer house.

I’m really good at:

Cooking. Singing. Video games. Blushing. Knowing by the first note exactly what song just came on the radio. Drinking a pot of coffee and going through a pack of cigarettes. Making mixed c.d.’s. Leaving the house unknowingly covered in paint/ink/charcoals. Wasting hours on Wikipedia. Mom-ming it up. Sarcasm. Dying my hair. Squeeing whenever I see Loretta Lynn in one of her big, pink dresses. Convincing people I know what the hell I’m doing. Yelling at the TV when Molly Ringwald ruins two perfectly awesome dresses to make a goddamn pink trash bag from hell! Ahem. See? Lots of other things I’m positive I’m forgetting right now.

The first things people usually notice about me:

Usually my hair. Then the sarcasm.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food:

Favorite authors: Bret Easton Ellis, Hunter S. Thompson, Pablo Neruda, Alice Hoffman, Jim Goad, Henry Rollins, Jimmy Lee Shreeve, Garth Ennis, David Lapham, Kurt Vonnegut, Daniel Clowes…

Movies: Anything from Horror to Indie, Sci-Fi to Foreign.

Food: Mediterranean, Chinese, Japanese

Music: 70’s & 80’s Rock, Rockabilly, Blues, Country (Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline…)

TV: X-Files, Doctor Who, Burn Notice, Dexter, Bones, Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Secret Diary of a Call Girl, Dead Like Me, Supernatural, Wonderfalls, Pushing Daisies, The Young Ones, Firefly, Absolutely Fabulous, True Blood (SOOKEHHHH)…..

The six things I could never do without:

1. My girls
2. Music
3. Coffee
4. Veggies
5. Sleep
6. Books

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

The neverending avalanche of ridiculous responsibilities that come with being an adult. Also? Pegasi.

On a typical Friday night I am:

Either hanging out with my daughters, passed out on the couch missing the movie I was staying up for, having a drink with friends.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit:

Marriage is definitely not something I want.

October 16, 2010 Posted by | dana 2.0, idiotic, internet dating, oversharing, random | , , , | Leave a comment